It is my intention to write about events as they happen, yet I keep failing. Poor self-discipline: after something happens that I want to write about, much of the time I feel a little traumatised by it and I think "I'll just have a cup of tea or a lie down and write about it later" - except either something else happens or I forget what I wanted to say.
On Friday at about 2.40pm H rang (for 8m16s - these details being important to me). I hadn't realised he was still at K's house (has it only been a week since he was meant to move in here??) - I thought he'd moved in with James already. But, no, he's still negotiating with James, which means there's a bunch of stuff in the room at James' and H wants it removed before he moves in. Makes sense.
He said he hadn't been well. I said he sounded throaty. I was wondering whether he's taken up with someone else already. It wouldn't surprise me if he did that (for the third time) although we did discuss the matter a few weeks ago and I hope I made it plain that he's NOT to think of himself as single and available - I have been waiting for more than a decade (goddammit) and it is MY turn to have a relationship with him. I am tired of being the bit on the side. I love him (perhaps because I'm stupid) and I have been giving and forgiving and understanding and not wanting to be petty (or perhaps "mercenary" is the word I want) ...BUT... I think it's time he gave something back. I don't care about the $50 I lent him at the start of the year - it's only money. Here, have all my money (the little there is) - but give me something back EMOTIONALLY.
No, no, this is not the time or the place. I need to fill in the weekend. I can rant and get upset later.
Saturday night I laid into the beer. I managed 2.5 bottles before realising I was too drunk to do much of anything and passed out from about 8.30pm to 2am Sunday. Then I got up (being suitably grateful I didn't have a serious hangover) and worked on a layout for one of my sites. It took about 6 hours, for whatever reason. Logged on and uploaded it, then spent a couple of hours either tweaking it (it's still not right) or reading other people's blog updates. Went back to sleep from sometime after 8am to 12.30pm, when Nils rang.
Nils suggested a drink at our regular, then walk back to his place to watch the DVD he bought the other week. I didn't want to walk all that way (also I had some stuff for him that was quite heavy and I didn't want to have to haul it from one end of K street to the other). Turned out he'd maxed on coffee and lost his appetite, so he didn't want to eat out. He'd said something previously about cooking for me but had changed his mind on that, too. So I said I'd feed and caffeinate myself at home and come straight to his place, ETA 2.30pm. He thought that was too late. I pointed out I'd only just woken up and I needed to have a shower, etc...
Turned out I got there around 2.45, which is pretty slack. I pissed about online first, which is why, then I didn't have a shower because I hadn't left enough time for that. So I apologised about being smelly and having yucky greasy hair. He said I looked fine (but he would say that anyway).
We watched the movie, The Cube, which disturbed me for reasons I couldn't discuss with Nils (coz he'd just say I was being schizotypal again), so I told him I didn't understand it. Then he went up the road for more beer and some dinner and to pick up his laundry and at his suggestion I sat down to watch Guesthouse Paradiso, which we saw at the cinema when it came out a couple of years ago.
I am a moderate fan of Bottom so I'm familiar with the Richie and Eddie characters and find them entertaining in what I consider their "native" environment (Bottom) - but I hated this movie the first time around and didn't find it any better this time. I enjoyed "the making of" featurette much more than the movie - and for the first time ever I know what Ade Edmondson's normal speaking voice sounds like.
After dinner we faffed around with computer stuff for a bit and he ripped an ambient noise track for me (I have been looking for a white noise or surf CD but there aren't any that don't have New Age music laid over the top - Nils has a thunderstorm track on one of his sound FX CDs so I took that as a stopgap until I find something more appropriate - this being on recommendation from my shrink, since EMDR doesn't work on me and I'm having issues yet again with a past violent event and need something to zone out my brain so I can sleep).
So I had 3 bottles of beer yesterday, and when I got home, at about 8.30pm, I went straight to sleep. Woke up around 6 this morning, feeling headachey (hangover) and took something for it, and have been pottering ever since. Now contemplating my first cup of tea for the day...