Sigh.
It's like this - I do feel a stronger loyalty to H than I do to the band, but I do still have some loyalty to the band. My relationship with them is meant to be professional. I'm the webmaster, that's all. That my significant other was in the band at the time I took on the site and is not in the band now should not matter - it should be purely my decision whether to remain as webmaster or not.
It's supposed to have been my decision but how can I make a decision without taking H's feelings into account?
So, last week, I said: when I committed to doing the site it was H's band and I agreed to do it because it was H's band.
Which is true. I have too many online commitments already (I always do) and although I am often tempted to leap in and make and maintain a site for a new band I see who I like and don't have one, I really can't make that kind of commitment to strangers because I know I won't be able to keep up the commitment and I will end up resenting it, and that's no good for anybody.
I don't want to see the band be successful without H but I want them to have a fair chance all the same. Also, the band's domain is registered in H's name and I told R I wasn't going to change that (and I've told H it's more secure legally to leave it that way)... because I'm the fucking billing contact, aren't I. Shit.
This is why my secret emergency plan makes so much sense.
Sigh, sigh, sigh.
If I was gonna hand over the site to the band I would have to teach them how to look after it and I know that's one thing I just can't do. I have no confidence in my ability to teach anyone how to do anything. Let's blame my father for that one.
I want to have a clean conscience about this situation. I am not going to go behind H's back (it would be so much better if R would okay Anna) but also, I can't do anything that I know will just stress me more (which makes the secret emergency plan better).
I think I'm gonna ring Alice and see if she wants to go eat junk food and drink beer with me. I need to unwind.